The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs translate great sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex brings enormous meaning and effects.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).

B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the opportunity to make love with someone we are drawn in to extremely difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , resulting in effective sensations of destination, enjoyment, closeness, well-being, and love .

But when problems arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They most likely would not admit it, click this however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that a number of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys particularly in cosmopolitan locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".

North adds, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow gradually.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with common sense. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, goals, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!

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